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Redhook Can See Your Private Parts.

You probably heard last week that Facebook announced plans to share users’ private information with third party developers.

Redhook’s been a bit on edge ever since his number showed up on a bathroom wall. Now that Zuckerberg has again decided violating users’ privacy is cool, Redhook fears the far-reaching ramifications.

If Redhook’s cell phone number becomes public, he can probably expect calls from:

1. His Former Host Family
Studying abroad was the best part about college. The late nights, the culture, that French waitress. However, a surprise phone call from Redhook’s host family could trigger a different memory. Specfically, the day Redhook’s host dad introduced his “no towel needed” shake dry technique. The threat of video Skype further complicates this matter.

 

2. The Screamer Ex-Girlfriend

 

Now imagine this, but all the time. At restaurants, movie theaters, in the car, during TV shows, in bed. Actually, the last one kind of worked. But still, the screaming gets old.

Call screening won’t keep Redhook much safer. Facebook is also releasing Redhook’s home address, which can only mean more trouble:

3. Tax Collectors
Redhook’s cool on his taxes and with the IRS. But still, if they got Blade, none of us are safe. And given the country’s deficit, the Feds are looking for dough anywhere they can get it.

 

But don’t worry. Redhook, would never give out your information without your permission. Unless, of course, he spotted a girl across the bar who looked in need of your digits. Then he’d make an executive decision on your behalf. He apologizes in advance if she turns out like the girl in #2.

Until next time.

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REDHOOK HAS A CONDITION THAT MAKES HIM COLD AND SWEATY.

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