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This Week, Redhook Will Refrain From “Your Mother” Jokes

Heads up: this coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. You still have time to buy a card, send flowers, make brunch reservations or, at least, punch a reminder in your phone so you remember to call. If you forget, don’t blame Redhook.


If the neighbor lady looks like she's been marinating in teriyaki sauce, call CPS.

Now, if your mom is a horrible person, like, say, Crazy Tanning Mom. Or the one arrested several weeks back for — try not to puke — having sex with her son. Or any one of a dozen other awful moms we’ll hear about in the news this week, by all means, don’t visit her at the women’s penitentiary. Redhook gives you a pass. But in general, most moms are worth some acknowledgment.


Is your mom as tough as Sarah Connor? Guess we'll have to wait until the evil robots arrive to find out.

Of course, no matter how awesome your mom is, she’s probably not quite as kick ass as Sarah Connor. As the mother of John Connor in the Terminator movie franchise, Sarah is tasked with raising the young man who will eventually lead the human resistance against an army of deadly machines. For her sacrifices and achievements, Redhook thinks she may be the greatest movie mom of all time.

Maybe your mom raised you alone. Maybe she worked two jobs. Maybe she even volunteered at a pet rescue center. But did she have sex with a dude from the future, train with Latin American guerrillas, break out out of a mental ward, bust countless guys in the teeth, teach you all forms of weaponry and destroy killer cyborgs, all in an effort to save the human race from destruction? Probably not.

Still, even though your mom might not be able to do a pull up or build an explosive device, chances are she did the best she could to get you where you are today. Hopefully, that’s a good place.

Whether you have a mom or are a mom, Happy Mother’s Day from Redhook.


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